I WAS WOUNDERING!
Monday, July 30, 2007
This is hilarious! AND it is told by a FEMALE.
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that
I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small
diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure
that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to
see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner
tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then,
shifting to the other cheek, I
Ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my
ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like
this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and
Pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had
peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table yelled: "Surprise!"
I fainted...
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that
I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small
diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure
that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to
see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner
tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized
the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not
only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then,
shifting to the other cheek, I
Ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my
ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like
this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I
quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and
Pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had
peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table yelled: "Surprise!"
I fainted...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
TO THE FALLEN HEROS!
Well some times people say I am complicated, others I am difficult while others will tell you I am proud. I cannotdeny or admit to any of those charges because to others I am so down to earth, understanding and fair. But one thing for sure I know I am hard to impress or should I say I am a perfectionist. I always prefer to comment last for fear that I will disappoint others. Last night as I lay in my bed I thought of the friends I have, those that I had, and those that I will have. I have very many acquaintances and just a few friends.
Well I have a big problem with trust. For some it is so easy to trust while for some of us it is not for fear of disappointment. I have very few people I call friends because I know I can depend on them as much as they can on me. I choose to only have a few because much as it takes me decades to trust some one, it takes me just a second to get disappointed in some. With my acquaintances its easier to forgive for I did not invest so much time in what we share. I guess I have a problem there. (My cry for help!) It is easier when someone says they are sorry but most times they are too proud to do so.
The letter to those I lost…………..
Dear Friends,
We knew each other for years, which was great! Some times I miss my friends but I know we cannot be the friends we were. Sometimes it’s the pride but I guess its not so hard to say a little sorry to some one you care about.
We are not the friends we were simply because you lied about some serious matter or you went behind my back saying I was the bad influence in your life, yeah trying to tarnish my name and when I confronted you all you said was I thought so even when you could have said you were sorry.
We are not the friends we were simply because you met some guy and you rendered my friendship useless. You shared our inner most secrets with some guy who actually is so out of your life now, cared less about the trust I invested in you!Not that i cared about your boo but when he chose for you your friends you prefered the ones you both shared and threw out your own.
We are not the friends we were simply because you hard something about me and did not give the benefit of dought something I would always give you because I always asked you if what I hard about you was right.Anyway how could i have said something like that about you?
Well sometimes I think I did not give you the chance to prove yourself but it is easier for me to create a gap between us without having to really dislike you. Maybe that’s the way I deal with people I really care about just that we can never share the great moments we had when you were the friend I trusted.
Sorry if I disappointed you too.
Yours truly,…………………………………
Well I have a big problem with trust. For some it is so easy to trust while for some of us it is not for fear of disappointment. I have very few people I call friends because I know I can depend on them as much as they can on me. I choose to only have a few because much as it takes me decades to trust some one, it takes me just a second to get disappointed in some. With my acquaintances its easier to forgive for I did not invest so much time in what we share. I guess I have a problem there. (My cry for help!) It is easier when someone says they are sorry but most times they are too proud to do so.
The letter to those I lost…………..
Dear Friends,
We knew each other for years, which was great! Some times I miss my friends but I know we cannot be the friends we were. Sometimes it’s the pride but I guess its not so hard to say a little sorry to some one you care about.
We are not the friends we were simply because you lied about some serious matter or you went behind my back saying I was the bad influence in your life, yeah trying to tarnish my name and when I confronted you all you said was I thought so even when you could have said you were sorry.
We are not the friends we were simply because you met some guy and you rendered my friendship useless. You shared our inner most secrets with some guy who actually is so out of your life now, cared less about the trust I invested in you!Not that i cared about your boo but when he chose for you your friends you prefered the ones you both shared and threw out your own.
We are not the friends we were simply because you hard something about me and did not give the benefit of dought something I would always give you because I always asked you if what I hard about you was right.Anyway how could i have said something like that about you?
Well sometimes I think I did not give you the chance to prove yourself but it is easier for me to create a gap between us without having to really dislike you. Maybe that’s the way I deal with people I really care about just that we can never share the great moments we had when you were the friend I trusted.
Sorry if I disappointed you too.
Yours truly,…………………………………
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
HE KNOWS MY NAME!
He will come back to judge the living and the dead!
Lost some one last weekend .Well it was not the missing of the Friday plot that disappointed me it was much more than that.
The Priests practically refused to preside over the mass! The reason they gave was that the deceased (RIP) never attended their church. Can you imagine! Or did they mean he never parted with a dime to their church?
If my late Granpa (RIP) never attended church but was prayed for by the bishop himself how about these other priests who claim they are under the Bishop.
The first I heard of such an incidence was Lakwena.I was disappointed but I kinda let it go as she had publicly owned up to serving other gods, but still I thought they were judging her.
What has the world come to, who said just because you are a preacher you will end up in heaven? Who are we to judge others for all I know the last they saw the deceased he was on his knees praying in the middle of the night. If God could give him a last chance who are the preachers not to pray for him.
Any way so much for the holy people all I hear now is sodomy in church, electric gadgets in church and who knows what else.
What do you think of this cartoon it has made my day!
Lesson learnt:
Since the Bible tells us of so many false prophets in the end days I have resorted to only trusting my God and The Bible alone. I like to call it my God and Bible thing! Who would blame me I did not trust any of these new preachers?
The bottom line is we prayed for him and we will still pray for him for the rest is in Gods hands. May his soul rest in peace.
Lost some one last weekend .Well it was not the missing of the Friday plot that disappointed me it was much more than that.
The Priests practically refused to preside over the mass! The reason they gave was that the deceased (RIP) never attended their church. Can you imagine! Or did they mean he never parted with a dime to their church?
If my late Granpa (RIP) never attended church but was prayed for by the bishop himself how about these other priests who claim they are under the Bishop.
The first I heard of such an incidence was Lakwena.I was disappointed but I kinda let it go as she had publicly owned up to serving other gods, but still I thought they were judging her.
What has the world come to, who said just because you are a preacher you will end up in heaven? Who are we to judge others for all I know the last they saw the deceased he was on his knees praying in the middle of the night. If God could give him a last chance who are the preachers not to pray for him.
Any way so much for the holy people all I hear now is sodomy in church, electric gadgets in church and who knows what else.
What do you think of this cartoon it has made my day!
Lesson learnt:
Since the Bible tells us of so many false prophets in the end days I have resorted to only trusting my God and The Bible alone. I like to call it my God and Bible thing! Who would blame me I did not trust any of these new preachers?
The bottom line is we prayed for him and we will still pray for him for the rest is in Gods hands. May his soul rest in peace.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Mummy 's day out
Well, early this morning I was complaining to mother about how it was too early to leave for work at 6:45am. She told me the traffic would be murder if we left just a notch or second after that, and after all the “Mighty” Greenhill can not have my young brother after 7:00am. So I asked what would happen if he was the only one missing for the morning prep as I like my sleep so much. He goes on to say he would be punished; he would be left to sit in the mess hall and go without lesson the whole day. Anyway I tell mother that I was glad I was done with school, they used to make us suffer in school and guess what its then that I thought of my days post “MOTHER ‘S DAY OUT!”
At that point I became the interviewer and mother the interviewee.
Mother: What do you mean you guyz suffered?
Queen: I mean the stupid teachers felt the world belonged to them so they would do things to tarnish our names when you came to visit.
Mother: In my days I did suffer too.
Queen: Wha guess your days were smoother.
Mother: Have you ever seen me take porridge?
Queen: Never noticed after all everyone at home hates it.
Mother: Well breakfast was porridge and lunch they still first gave us porridge. And if you took so long to finish they would put the beans in your porridge!
Queen: Yacky! Atleast it was not compulsory. Didn’t granma pack for you seeds(soya, g nuts, hard corn…..)??
Mother: Not like they would last the whole term. We used to eat the seeds mixed with sugar.We also used to melt the sugar to make toffee. I wonder how my teeth survived.
Queen: Got my blog story for the day tell me more puuuliiiize!
Mother: What is blog anyway?
Queen: You know the window I always leave on your screen so u can read? yeah that is my blog page. Its where I am goin to put your story.
Mother: But the rest you would need pictures.
Queen: Try me.
Mother: Ok we were not allowed to wear mini skirts in school.
Queen: That is kinda normal mum, what about it?
Mother: We had two skirts the one for normal school day which was like 10 inches above the knees and the second one about 13 inches for going out of school like for seminars.(By the way get a ruler n measure by the way she does not have Cheri’s height)
Queen: So your long skirts were our mini skirts of late and the mini skirts were Jesica Simpsons hot pant length???????(Laughing)
Mother: Yeah!(she chuckles)
Queen: Okay what else can you tell me?
Mother: Will tell you when I remember.
Queen: Puliiz u could not have forgotten. Okay tell me about campus.
Mother:(Laughs) at campus we knew nothing about perming or relaxing our hair.
Queen: I thought it was fashion to have Afro? Do you mean M7 introduced the era?
Mother: Not really, well atleast we hot combed.
Queen: Did you have night clubs?
Mother: We had teenie stuff. Only that if a guy had interest in you, we would go to the movie halls but in groups of 7 to 10 gals.
Queen: I thought that is in our days where if you don’t feel the guyz lines you appear with friends like all the time?
Mother: By the way we never used to eat. One had to be slim. You know I look back n wounder what weight I had coz I was smaller than todayz models!(laughs)
Queen: Okay mummy do not pass my gate. Okay good day mum!
Mother: Good day dear!
To be continue………………….
At that point I became the interviewer and mother the interviewee.
Mother: What do you mean you guyz suffered?
Queen: I mean the stupid teachers felt the world belonged to them so they would do things to tarnish our names when you came to visit.
Mother: In my days I did suffer too.
Queen: Wha guess your days were smoother.
Mother: Have you ever seen me take porridge?
Queen: Never noticed after all everyone at home hates it.
Mother: Well breakfast was porridge and lunch they still first gave us porridge. And if you took so long to finish they would put the beans in your porridge!
Queen: Yacky! Atleast it was not compulsory. Didn’t granma pack for you seeds(soya, g nuts, hard corn…..)??
Mother: Not like they would last the whole term. We used to eat the seeds mixed with sugar.We also used to melt the sugar to make toffee. I wonder how my teeth survived.
Queen: Got my blog story for the day tell me more puuuliiiize!
Mother: What is blog anyway?
Queen: You know the window I always leave on your screen so u can read? yeah that is my blog page. Its where I am goin to put your story.
Mother: But the rest you would need pictures.
Queen: Try me.
Mother: Ok we were not allowed to wear mini skirts in school.
Queen: That is kinda normal mum, what about it?
Mother: We had two skirts the one for normal school day which was like 10 inches above the knees and the second one about 13 inches for going out of school like for seminars.(By the way get a ruler n measure by the way she does not have Cheri’s height)
Queen: So your long skirts were our mini skirts of late and the mini skirts were Jesica Simpsons hot pant length???????(Laughing)
Mother: Yeah!(she chuckles)
Queen: Okay what else can you tell me?
Mother: Will tell you when I remember.
Queen: Puliiz u could not have forgotten. Okay tell me about campus.
Mother:(Laughs) at campus we knew nothing about perming or relaxing our hair.
Queen: I thought it was fashion to have Afro? Do you mean M7 introduced the era?
Mother: Not really, well atleast we hot combed.
Queen: Did you have night clubs?
Mother: We had teenie stuff. Only that if a guy had interest in you, we would go to the movie halls but in groups of 7 to 10 gals.
Queen: I thought that is in our days where if you don’t feel the guyz lines you appear with friends like all the time?
Mother: By the way we never used to eat. One had to be slim. You know I look back n wounder what weight I had coz I was smaller than todayz models!(laughs)
Queen: Okay mummy do not pass my gate. Okay good day mum!
Mother: Good day dear!
To be continue………………….
Labels: The boss that was
